Road Rage

My loyal subjects, if you didn't know I live on a military base in military housing.  You'd be surprised at the train wrecks that happen here.  The drama, the gossip, the backstabbing and the rules and regulations are enough to right my own soap opera Canadian style.  However for today I'm going to discuss people's driving habits.

Have you ever been behind a person when driving on a highway, where the speed limit is 90km/hr or 55 miles/hr, and they're doing 10 under?  There is no room to pass or as soon as the slow ass person see's you're trying to pass they go faster?  Or what about that person who slows down when they "think" you're riding their bumper when there is clearly one car length between you and the dumb asshole?

Here on base there are crazy speed limits.  Some roads have the speed limit posted every kilometer others aren't listed at all.  On base I expect people to follow the limits to the number because the military police are looking for things to do to occupy their time because there are only so many coffees and donuts they can consume.

However just outside the base, people think that there are no driving laws/speed limits in place in civilian living.

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My biggest pet peeve of all....

Texting while driving.  Hello!!!!!!!!

Put that electronic device down and pay the fuck attention to what you are doing.  Let me tell you that what you did last night really won't matter much when you hit another vehicle that has children or infants in it and you kill them all because your friend just had to know.  Oh and by the way.....stopping at a red light or a stop sign, does not give you the right to pick that phone back up and text again.  Cause guess what I'm the one honking at you and flipping you the bird when the light has gone green or the 3 Mississippi's (three second stop) are done and long over.

I'm not saying I'm a perfect driver.  However I couldn't imagine the guild if I caused a scene like this because I thought a text was more important than mine and everyone else's safety.

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I Love to Torture Myself

Well my royal subjects.  Today is Ash Wednesday and it is supposed to be a day to start giving up something that you love/indulge in.  Now I am Roman Catholic and I practice ....not so much.  Without getting too much into the religion aspect, cause lets face it, it pisses too many people off and that isn't really what I want to talk about, I wanted to let you know that I've decided to give up one thing and gain one thing.

I've decided this last night with the hubby.  We smoked our last pack last night, and before deciding who goes to the store to get more, I suggested quitting for Lent.  This way it gives us an added reason and saves us money, and we're doing the "proper" religious thing.

He agreed.

So it has been 15 hrs since my last smoke.  I went to bed right after the last smoke I had so it wasn't so bad then.  This morning, I usually have one right when I get up, and well I didn't so that was a little difficult.  I also usually have them while I talk to my bestie on the phone, but didn't.  What was hardest today so far, was when hubby came home from work for lunch.  We usually have two or three while he's home.  So its a matter of habit breaking.  I haven't really craved the smoke itself, just the habit of going outside.  Typing this actually makes me think I wanna smoke.  But I truly don't.  Talking about it with the bestie is slightly difficult, I just told her I don't want to talk about it, cause it makes it harder.  Hopefully she understands.

Another few reasons to quit my smoking as well as hubby is for financial.  This year needs to be a year of sacrifices.  I don't wanna be pay check to pay check any more, and still be in the red.  It sucks.  By hubby and I not smoking we save several hundred dollars per month.  This will help to put money other places.  This decision is obviously better for our health, especially me as we are currently thinking that I am pregnant.

That is right.  You read correctly.  If I've done my math right, I'm about 4.5 weeks along.  I was taking birth control faithfully, and well I don't think it worked this time, because I have never missed my time of the month while taking birth control no matter what stresses I was going through.    So I took a test a few days ago, and it came back negative but I could've tested to early.  I haven't taken my next cycle of pills in fear I am pregnant cause I'm 1.5 weeks late.

I'm a planner.  I only ever wanted one child, planned for one child, can (just barely) afford one child.  I was just about to get my independence back with my Princess going to school this coming fall, and now ....could be another baby in the mix!

I'm conflicted about this.  With my recent diagnosis of degenerative disc disorder, financial, desires for my life, etc....its not a good time to have a child.  However when is it ever a good time?  I know people manage with less than what I have with three or four children.  However I think I'll be disappointed if I'm not pregnant?  Oh my God, I'm pissing my own self off just typing it.

Here is one better, I've already picked out the names!  GAWD I'm awful.

Also hubby and I have decided that every day when he comes home from work we're gonna go on a family walk.  This way it gets me out and about, and working on losing weight, and in shape for a possible child, and we are forced to spend time with each other.

So I'm quitting something I love, which is smoking.  I'm gaining some exercise, and losing some weight, and yet suffering mentally from the possible predicament of a child.

I'm retesting a week from today to find out if I am expecting.

Kick Me When I'm Down

There have been many things going on in my life since the turn of the new year that have been insanely stressful.  I'm not going to go into all of them but I will go into one in particular which leads me to my next bitch fest.

Last week I had an MRI.  The reason is that I was having back pain periodically through the last twelve years.  After having my Princess, the pain was getting more intense and it would occur more frequently than before.  So after the last attack of pain, that lasted 1.5 months I went to the doctor, got x-rays which led to an MRI, which led to my results yesterday.

The results that I received could have been worse.  Something like cancer would have been the worst.  Obviously it wasn't a clean bill of health either because I wouldn't have something to bitch about today if it was.  The diagnosis was degenerative disc disorder.  It is quite severe and surgery is definitely in my future.  I am also unable to continue in my chosen profession of personal support worker (the dirty end of a nurse's job basically).

This news stunned me.  It was not an easy thing to hear, yet I didn't know how to react.  I didn't know how to feel.  I did however know one thing.  Since my Princess was going to be going to school this coming September I was able to get my career back and be ME again.  Now, it wasn't going to happen.  I wasn't sure if I was sad due to the diagnosis or sad due to the fact that once again, what I wanted, that was so close, was then taken from me.

I called my Dad, as he wanted to know what the results were from the MRI.  Low and behold, once I told him he started barking off about if I lost 100 lbs the disorder would go away and I'd be fine.  To him, everything is about weight and exercise.  He wouldn't let me tell him that this had nothing to do with the fact that I have a more than healthy body size, but everything to do with the car accident I was in 12 years ago.  He ended up hanging up on me.  Thanks for the support Dad, I'll fuckin remember that when its time to decide if you need a nursing home.

One Way Street

Royal subjects please tell me I'm not alone in the way I feel.  Today's bitchfest is about one way street friendships.

Since I haven't been here at this new base very long, I of course am still working on meeting new people and making friends.  Back in April I met this woman walking her puppy with her daughter who was only a year younger than my Princess.  We talked for quite some time.  Turns out she didn't live very far from me at all.  However I never saw her again till around August.

She pulled up in front of my driveway, ranting about an issue she had with a babysitter of her three children.  She asked my opinion and then we spoke a little longer.  I offered to exchange numbers, however this day in age its all about technology and I just added her to my facebook account.

For the next few months right through till November we saw each other on average every other day.  Sometimes she'd just drop by unannounced (which is fine by me since I'm always home) others she'd pick me up just to run errands if hubby was home.  All was good.  I helped her in any way I could with personal issues and we had great conversation.  Her hubby even wanted to start hanging out with my hubby.  However it never happened even though it was his suggestion.

She has a few kids and I have my one princess.  She has a hubby and a dog as do I.  She has some of the same educational background as I do.  She is a military wife as am I.  So where is the problem?

Well once the festivities of Christmas came rolling around, I noticed a distance starting to arise.  I noticed that she never phoned anymore, and our facebook chats stopped almost completely.  It took her days, if ever, to return a phone call even if I called while in tears upset about my own personal dilema the first that had happened since I met her.

Before you start saying, but Bella you have to talk to her about it, I already did back about a month ago.

I asked her if I had said or done anything to offend/upset her.  I asked her why she seems to never have time to hang out anymore when nothing to my knowledge had changed as far as time shifting her life.

All she said was I sometimes feel like you don't realize how tired I am or how busy I am with three kids, hubby on shiftwork, and life in general.  You haven't done anything wrong or anything don't be silly.  But you having only one child is so much easier than having three.  Your Princess, is so easy to take care of.

Accepting her answer while the fucking steam was blowing out my ears, I hung up.  I am so fucking sick and tired of people thinking that just because I chose to have one child and not more that I am not an equal.  Ummmm first off let me explain something.

My princess, was born just over four years ago.  She was a miracle baby.  I won't go into detail cause really its in the past but......it took a lot of hard work, and medical attention for me to even get pregnant, and then to have a high risk pregnancy and then to be told I couldn't have anymore children afterwards (its ok on that aspect because hubby and I had already decided one was all we were having).

So HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You fucking chose to have three children.  You choose to be with your children all the time.  You are also a stay at home mother, and yes your hubby does work shift work.  But HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he exists and can help you when he is home.  Quit telling me that one child is soooooo easy and that my life is a piece of fucking cake.  Cause honey......my life is no piece of cake!............no one's life is.

......but I digress.

I decided to take her word and get over my issues.  Perhaps I was taking what she said to heart because of my personal issues around child bearing etc.

Time moves on.  Promises were made to stop by even for one hour in the evening to share a glass of wine and catch up.  Or to stop by on a whim.  I told her that I would stop asking her to come over and/or do things with me, and to just contact me when I fit into her schedule.

Now if a 'friend' told you this.  Wouldn't you stop for a second and analyze that?  Wouldn't you think, wait a minute is that how she feels?

Well she didn't cause guess what?  I drank that fucking magnum of wine all to myself in tears when I found out that my hubby's internet addiction came back and found him busting through my laptop password while searching chat sites to talk to other woman.  Followed by some coolers to boot.  After finding this out I left her a voice mail asking her to call me back as I had found out terrible news (which was interrupted by my sobs of grief).

You know what this fucking 'friend' did.  She got back to me via facebook nine fucking hours later stating that she was now in a frame of mind to deal with me.

SERIOUSLY!!!!?

Not to mention the fact that I've been there through her personal dilemmas always when given the opportunity.  Now her facebook status' are all thanks to good friends I feel better now....after *said problem*.  She has time for coffee for other people.  She has time for other friends to hang out with her.

Oh and lastly. After she found out I was going for an MRI appointment scheduled for 2am, she asked me is hubby going with you?  I advised her that he was not due to Princess being in bed at that time.  She asked why I just don't take her with  us since I only have  'the one' it would be easy and she'd sleep right through it.  Goes to show she never listens to a word I say since my princess has never been a sleeper or a napper and if she does wake up in the middle of the night, she's up for the day most times.  I'd offer to watch her but I have enough with my three.

Today her facebook status states she babysat for another friend.

I know I should just face facts and accept the fact that we're obviously not friends.  But I guess I like to put myself through the grief.  Now I'm in a pissy mood and my "awesome" hubby didn't even get me a card for this "hallmark holiday".

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Ciao
~Bella

Are You Kidding Me?

Alright my loyal subjects.  As fellow patrons of my blog I'd like to thank you all for visiting my palace yet again while I explain to you just how dumb people can be.

Like I've said before (in my about me page) I'm in my thirties (yeah get over it, I'm not farting dust yet).  I'm sure you can imagine by my cool avatar, that I'm a smoker too (yeah, again get over it...I'm working on quitting).  I also mentioned that I'm a military wife.  Well this military wife is broke ass, therefore I live on base as apposed to buying my own house.  The experience I had a few months back is one for the record books.  Sit back and enjoy the ride because this one is insane!

I had recently moved here with hubby and Princess after yet another posting from the military.  We were happy about our location as apposed to where we were before.  I like it because I can be in the city in 20 minutes or less and still have the small community living.

I'm driving off base, and look at my fuel tank and realize I should probably gas up.  So I pull into a local gas bar and fill the tank up.  While I'm in line to pay for said gas, I realize I'm low on smokes, so I make a mental note to buy some once I'm at the counter.

Twenty minutes later (I'll explain in another post) I'm at the counter and I explain what tank I'm paying for and then ask for one pack of smokes.  The woman looks at me long and hard.  I'm thinking, do I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something?

She then asks for ID.  I looked at her like she was from another planet.  Sure, there are those people that love to be asked for ID, taking it as a compliment.  But guess what!  I hate it.  It's a pain in the ass.  I ask her if she's serious.  Her expression did not change.

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I take out my ID which happened to be from another province as we had just moved here.  She looks at it, then looks at me, then looks at the ID, then looks at me asking what country I'm from.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Ummm, I'm from mars you fucking moron!  It says what province I'm from right at the top of the ID.  

Flabbergasted at this woman's moronic look, I state I just moved here from a different province and I'm a military spouse who just moved onto the base less than a kilometer from this place.

She still look dumbfounded.  I asked her for the smokes to be placed in my hand and then finished my transaction.

To this day every time I go to that gas bar and she's working I hold my breath waiting to hear what other moronic thing she'll say next.

Grocery Store and Ass Enlarging, huh?

My first thing to bitch about is something I'm sure you've all encountered.  Grocery Shopping Etiquette Fail!

On any given day, I don't really mind doing groceries.  Even though I almost always bring my little Princess and Hubby along with me, for me its an outing out of the house.  Since as most of you know for the time being anyway, I am a stay at home mother, any time out of the house is exciting.

I don't mind it if the grocery store is not so busy, and I also don't mind it, if the grocery store is hopping with people.  I'm actually one of those that doesn't curse and swear if I can't find a close parking spot.

I usually start off getting all my produce, then breads and then meats/eggs/cheese/milk.  Then off to the frozen foods and then finally canned goods isle.

Now I do live in a small town.  For some reason small towns, in my experience anyways, have the narrowest fucking isles ever.  I'm not talking if you're ass is the size of a greyhound bus and you can't walk down a narrow hallway two by two.  I'm talking about those isles that two relatively pint size grocery carts can't cross each other's path because the isle is too narrow, and the dumb ass grocery store employee decided to put a floor display of shake and bake on one side of the busiest isles ever (usually holding the canned soups or pastas/sauces).

            Hell                                                        VS                                Heaven

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Obviously my thousands of emails, letters via snail mail, and bitching voicemails of complaints about the layout of their grocery store didn't work, so I've decided to accept defeat and just do my damned groceries anyways.

However, I will not under any circumstances allow this to occur.  The mindless consumers at this particular location do not have grocery store etiquette.

You're walking along the already too narrow isle and the person in front of you realizes, "Oh shit!  I forgot to get my abnormally too large bag of potato chips."  So they walk away from the pint size grocery cart and go in search of what will make their ass hit another zip code while you, wait there impatiently as 10 other consumers are coming up the isle from the opposing direction.  By the time that person has picked up their ass enlarging food product, you've lost ten pounds of water retention from sweating because you've dressed for the weather and have a multitude of ass enlarging clothes on and your blood pressure has gone up ten points because you're holding in your frustrations and desires to punch the fucking person out.

As much as I appreciate the gift you've given me of losing ten pounds I still have no idea why people insist on doing this.  I mean really does it take more time to push your pint sized cart over to the isle where you forgot an item?  Is it really necessary to interrupt the flow of consumers who are considerate of another's time and energy?

Now that I've bitched about inconsiderate assholes in the grocery store, please forgive my absence while I go nurse my black eye.  Don't worry, I will be alright. It's just that the woman that I gave the beats to while at my small time grocery store yesterday, had some anger issues of her own.  She thought I was trying to take her ass enlarging potato chips from her, and after receiving a blow to her kidneys from me, she socked me in the eye.

Anyone know how to pay a fine with the courts?

Ciao
~Bella

Welcome All Bitchin Subjects

I'd like to welcome you all to my new stomping ground.  I truly intend to make this place a stomping ground in the truest sense of the words.

I am not new to blogging, and wanted a place I did not need to filter what I wrote about in fear of being attacked by people I knew and loved.  I closed down the old blog, which was not an easy thing to do.  It was established and I had a loyal community of followers who cared about me.

Some have followed me over here, which I owe them my life for.  I'd like to let you know off the top, that this place will have no filter with what I talk about, how I react to things, how I comment back to people, or for the language that I choose to use.

Here is what I'd like from you.  Be honest, don't hold back.  Let me know what you think of the topics I bring to this bitchin' palace.  Otherwise the whole point of this new blog is dead!

I hope you enjoy and stay awhile.  I'm awesome in every way and if you don't like it...guess what...I don't care!

Ciao
~Bella