Tuesday, February 14, 2012

One Way Street

Royal subjects please tell me I'm not alone in the way I feel.  Today's bitchfest is about one way street friendships.

Since I haven't been here at this new base very long, I of course am still working on meeting new people and making friends.  Back in April I met this woman walking her puppy with her daughter who was only a year younger than my Princess.  We talked for quite some time.  Turns out she didn't live very far from me at all.  However I never saw her again till around August.

She pulled up in front of my driveway, ranting about an issue she had with a babysitter of her three children.  She asked my opinion and then we spoke a little longer.  I offered to exchange numbers, however this day in age its all about technology and I just added her to my facebook account.

For the next few months right through till November we saw each other on average every other day.  Sometimes she'd just drop by unannounced (which is fine by me since I'm always home) others she'd pick me up just to run errands if hubby was home.  All was good.  I helped her in any way I could with personal issues and we had great conversation.  Her hubby even wanted to start hanging out with my hubby.  However it never happened even though it was his suggestion.

She has a few kids and I have my one princess.  She has a hubby and a dog as do I.  She has some of the same educational background as I do.  She is a military wife as am I.  So where is the problem?

Well once the festivities of Christmas came rolling around, I noticed a distance starting to arise.  I noticed that she never phoned anymore, and our facebook chats stopped almost completely.  It took her days, if ever, to return a phone call even if I called while in tears upset about my own personal dilema the first that had happened since I met her.

Before you start saying, but Bella you have to talk to her about it, I already did back about a month ago.

I asked her if I had said or done anything to offend/upset her.  I asked her why she seems to never have time to hang out anymore when nothing to my knowledge had changed as far as time shifting her life.

All she said was I sometimes feel like you don't realize how tired I am or how busy I am with three kids, hubby on shiftwork, and life in general.  You haven't done anything wrong or anything don't be silly.  But you having only one child is so much easier than having three.  Your Princess, is so easy to take care of.

Accepting her answer while the fucking steam was blowing out my ears, I hung up.  I am so fucking sick and tired of people thinking that just because I chose to have one child and not more that I am not an equal.  Ummmm first off let me explain something.

My princess, was born just over four years ago.  She was a miracle baby.  I won't go into detail cause really its in the past but......it took a lot of hard work, and medical attention for me to even get pregnant, and then to have a high risk pregnancy and then to be told I couldn't have anymore children afterwards (its ok on that aspect because hubby and I had already decided one was all we were having).

So HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You fucking chose to have three children.  You choose to be with your children all the time.  You are also a stay at home mother, and yes your hubby does work shift work.  But HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he exists and can help you when he is home.  Quit telling me that one child is soooooo easy and that my life is a piece of fucking cake.  Cause honey......my life is no piece of cake!............no one's life is.

......but I digress.

I decided to take her word and get over my issues.  Perhaps I was taking what she said to heart because of my personal issues around child bearing etc.

Time moves on.  Promises were made to stop by even for one hour in the evening to share a glass of wine and catch up.  Or to stop by on a whim.  I told her that I would stop asking her to come over and/or do things with me, and to just contact me when I fit into her schedule.

Now if a 'friend' told you this.  Wouldn't you stop for a second and analyze that?  Wouldn't you think, wait a minute is that how she feels?

Well she didn't cause guess what?  I drank that fucking magnum of wine all to myself in tears when I found out that my hubby's internet addiction came back and found him busting through my laptop password while searching chat sites to talk to other woman.  Followed by some coolers to boot.  After finding this out I left her a voice mail asking her to call me back as I had found out terrible news (which was interrupted by my sobs of grief).

You know what this fucking 'friend' did.  She got back to me via facebook nine fucking hours later stating that she was now in a frame of mind to deal with me.


Not to mention the fact that I've been there through her personal dilemmas always when given the opportunity.  Now her facebook status' are all thanks to good friends I feel better now....after *said problem*.  She has time for coffee for other people.  She has time for other friends to hang out with her.

Oh and lastly. After she found out I was going for an MRI appointment scheduled for 2am, she asked me is hubby going with you?  I advised her that he was not due to Princess being in bed at that time.  She asked why I just don't take her with  us since I only have  'the one' it would be easy and she'd sleep right through it.  Goes to show she never listens to a word I say since my princess has never been a sleeper or a napper and if she does wake up in the middle of the night, she's up for the day most times.  I'd offer to watch her but I have enough with my three.

Today her facebook status states she babysat for another friend.

I know I should just face facts and accept the fact that we're obviously not friends.  But I guess I like to put myself through the grief.  Now I'm in a pissy mood and my "awesome" hubby didn't even get me a card for this "hallmark holiday".




J.Day said...

Fair weather friends suck. For whatever reason, she doesn't seem to think your worth much of her time. That is so wrong. You two don't have to be BFF's but she shouldn't completely disrespect you. Which is exactly what she's doing. I say ditch the bitch and the next time she comes calling with a problem, tell her your busy.

CWMartin said...

Perhaps if you put her up on a pedestal as her other friends seem to, she'd have more time for you. Prima Donnas don't have time for people who "need", just those who "give." Hubby might be fitting the same bill- "my needs are more immediate/important and should glorify me". Hard to have a marriage where Caesar wants what is God's rendered unto him.

Daydream Believer said...

You need to drop this "friend" like a nasty habit. You deserve better!

Vinny C said...

I agree with Daydream. You don't need people like that in your life. Best to just cut & run.

P.S. By "Cut & run" I'm in no way advising you inflict bodily harm. Just to be clear.

On My Soapbox said...

First of all, this person does not deserve to be called a "friend". She is toxic and has done nothing worthy of associating with you. Second of all, she has NO clue about one vs. three children, and it was her own doing to have three in the first place. She's not a smart cookie, and is past her expiration date. You know what to do....

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

It's time to use Oprah's declutter mantra: if someone isn't bringing you joy or adding value to your life, get rid of them. Sounds like she is doing neither. Declutter her from your life.