Monday, February 13, 2012

Grocery Store and Ass Enlarging, huh?

My first thing to bitch about is something I'm sure you've all encountered.  Grocery Shopping Etiquette Fail!

On any given day, I don't really mind doing groceries.  Even though I almost always bring my little Princess and Hubby along with me, for me its an outing out of the house.  Since as most of you know for the time being anyway, I am a stay at home mother, any time out of the house is exciting.

I don't mind it if the grocery store is not so busy, and I also don't mind it, if the grocery store is hopping with people.  I'm actually one of those that doesn't curse and swear if I can't find a close parking spot.

I usually start off getting all my produce, then breads and then meats/eggs/cheese/milk.  Then off to the frozen foods and then finally canned goods isle.

Now I do live in a small town.  For some reason small towns, in my experience anyways, have the narrowest fucking isles ever.  I'm not talking if you're ass is the size of a greyhound bus and you can't walk down a narrow hallway two by two.  I'm talking about those isles that two relatively pint size grocery carts can't cross each other's path because the isle is too narrow, and the dumb ass grocery store employee decided to put a floor display of shake and bake on one side of the busiest isles ever (usually holding the canned soups or pastas/sauces).

            Hell                                                        VS                                Heaven

Obviously my thousands of emails, letters via snail mail, and bitching voicemails of complaints about the layout of their grocery store didn't work, so I've decided to accept defeat and just do my damned groceries anyways.

However, I will not under any circumstances allow this to occur.  The mindless consumers at this particular location do not have grocery store etiquette.

You're walking along the already too narrow isle and the person in front of you realizes, "Oh shit!  I forgot to get my abnormally too large bag of potato chips."  So they walk away from the pint size grocery cart and go in search of what will make their ass hit another zip code while you, wait there impatiently as 10 other consumers are coming up the isle from the opposing direction.  By the time that person has picked up their ass enlarging food product, you've lost ten pounds of water retention from sweating because you've dressed for the weather and have a multitude of ass enlarging clothes on and your blood pressure has gone up ten points because you're holding in your frustrations and desires to punch the fucking person out.

As much as I appreciate the gift you've given me of losing ten pounds I still have no idea why people insist on doing this.  I mean really does it take more time to push your pint sized cart over to the isle where you forgot an item?  Is it really necessary to interrupt the flow of consumers who are considerate of another's time and energy?

Now that I've bitched about inconsiderate assholes in the grocery store, please forgive my absence while I go nurse my black eye.  Don't worry, I will be alright. It's just that the woman that I gave the beats to while at my small time grocery store yesterday, had some anger issues of her own.  She thought I was trying to take her ass enlarging potato chips from her, and after receiving a blow to her kidneys from me, she socked me in the eye.

Anyone know how to pay a fine with the courts?



Vivian said...

Ha ha Bella, you also get those douches who stop and leave their trolley slam in the middle of the aisle so that nobody can pass from either direction while they slooooowwwwly decide which condiment to pick.

J.Day said...

In my tiny town's tiny grocery store has isles that two people can't pass each other without turning sideways. Screw it if you had carts. And because it's the only grocery store in the valley, it's LOADED with shit to the hilt. The one in Town is only slightly better, but not much.

viewfromdownhere said...

I despise grocery shopping with a passion. And the people who have no clue how to grocery shop in a logical manner. It's dangerous for me to go out shopping by myself because unlike you, I have a hard time keeping those comments/thoughts to myself. So I need to bring the husband with me to make sure I don't cause any problems :-)