Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Kick Me When I'm Down

There have been many things going on in my life since the turn of the new year that have been insanely stressful.  I'm not going to go into all of them but I will go into one in particular which leads me to my next bitch fest.

Last week I had an MRI.  The reason is that I was having back pain periodically through the last twelve years.  After having my Princess, the pain was getting more intense and it would occur more frequently than before.  So after the last attack of pain, that lasted 1.5 months I went to the doctor, got x-rays which led to an MRI, which led to my results yesterday.

The results that I received could have been worse.  Something like cancer would have been the worst.  Obviously it wasn't a clean bill of health either because I wouldn't have something to bitch about today if it was.  The diagnosis was degenerative disc disorder.  It is quite severe and surgery is definitely in my future.  I am also unable to continue in my chosen profession of personal support worker (the dirty end of a nurse's job basically).

This news stunned me.  It was not an easy thing to hear, yet I didn't know how to react.  I didn't know how to feel.  I did however know one thing.  Since my Princess was going to be going to school this coming September I was able to get my career back and be ME again.  Now, it wasn't going to happen.  I wasn't sure if I was sad due to the diagnosis or sad due to the fact that once again, what I wanted, that was so close, was then taken from me.

I called my Dad, as he wanted to know what the results were from the MRI.  Low and behold, once I told him he started barking off about if I lost 100 lbs the disorder would go away and I'd be fine.  To him, everything is about weight and exercise.  He wouldn't let me tell him that this had nothing to do with the fact that I have a more than healthy body size, but everything to do with the car accident I was in 12 years ago.  He ended up hanging up on me.  Thanks for the support Dad, I'll fuckin remember that when its time to decide if you need a nursing home.


Shutterbug Mama said...

Wow! Love you!

Kristy said...

Hope you can get your back fixed. Back pain can be so frustrating. It doesn't help when your family isnt behind you either. May you find something else that suits your interest.

AmberLaShell said...

my mom has DDD... She was diagnosed with it a few years ago. Losing weight DID help her... A LITTLE BIT. Her back still hurts, and she can't walk too far at one time, but your dad should have been more supportive.

I hope they can get you feeling better :)

CWMartin said...

Dear ol' dad must be the kind that treats every bit of news as an opportunity to make his point. I know how that feels. I don't know the same about DDD, but I am intelligent enough to know that while weight MIGHT aggravate it, it sure as hell don't cause it.

Sorry to hear yet more bad news. Hopefully the "sun will come out" soon.

G said...

ouch you poor thing... I once fell off a skate ramp and compressed my spine which was the worst pain in the world - so you have my every sympathy

Anonymous said...

DDD isn't a death sentence. You can still live a normal life and be employed. Many people have disc degeneration and have no symptoms. It tends to be lifestyle related. Your dad is right. Lose some weight. Strengthen your core muscles. Go to physical therapy. It's perfectly manageable disease

Misha said...

I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I've got a rotten deal with my back also and can relate the pain associated with it. I hope you've been able to find a way to cope with the soreness and pain.